Faith
by anxiousgeek
Summary: Josephine and Cassandra have only been in a relationship for a few months when the Seeker is named as the next Divine. Josephine/Cassandra


"Do you have to make her the new Divine?"

Josephine has to ask the question, even if she knows the answer because if there is even the slightest chance she could change the Inquisitors mind, or even Cassandra's mind, she has to take it.

Because she just wants a normal life together.

Josephine has plans.

Had plans.

"She's the best choice Josephine," Adaar says, frowning a second before she puts her hand on the ambassador's shoulder and squeezes. "I promise, it will be fine."

It was the same thing Cassandra had said too when she had told her. It will be fine. But Adaar doesn't know the depth of her feelings for the seeker, can't do because sometimes even Josephine doesn't know them either. Cassandra does though, has no excuse to just brush her off, and the reminder of it hurts.

Or at least adds to the hurt. Everything hurts.

She recognises the process. She's grieving. She's lost something, someone and she's grieving. She had a whole life for her and Cassandra planned out, plans they had discussed and made together and now she is called to a higher purpose and no longer Josephine's.

She doesn't reply to the Inquisitor and instead leaves for her chambers to work. She's had a desk in there for some time but not always cause to use it. Now though it means she can stop to cry when she needs to, or just stare into space and think about all he's lost without getting interrupted.

She doesn't want comforting, she wants Cassandra.

All will not be fine she thinks.

She and Cassandra had barely gotten started and she is painfully aware of that. The Seeker was willing to duel for Josephine but convinced to wait while Josephine untangled herself from her engagement. Cassandra had been a perfect friend the entire time, respectful and she hadn't expected any less from her.

Still, it had been a frustrating time and now this.

Josephine swipes away more tears and focuses on her letters for a moment.

She may fall in love again yes, but she doubts it, perhaps her father could find her another suitor though she'd be embarrassed to ask and mortified when he tried. It is for the best perhaps, all of this, she will return to her family's estate alone and focus on their business affairs when all this is done. She doesn't need Cassandra to do that.

xxx

Cassandra had not expected any of this.

The Inquisition, to be named Divine, to fall in love.

It was all unexpected and not all of it welcome at first. But as time went on and she got to know the Inquisitor, fought alongside her she felt better about the choices she had made. As she got to know Josephine, worked alongside her, became her friend she didn't feel so odd about falling in love with her.

And becoming Divine.

That truly is the Maker's work.

She knows Adaar has had a hand in it, knows she could've chosen someone else and that they would be divine, but she believes that in even though the Quanari chose Cassandra, the Maker has shown himself. She accepted without thinking, welcomed it, did not consider any consequences until she spoke to Josephine about it and the woman questioned it.

She had been so sure it would be fine that she brushed off the other woman's quiet question and now, now she is not in her office and Leliana looks as if she might kill Cassandra, the Inquisitor and several other people.

Ashamed as she is to admit it, it takes her a little while to realise why.

It may be fine but she cannot guarantee it, being Divine changes everything and Josephine had plans. They had plans.

She is in love and devout and the two are not necessarily compatible. Josephine realised this immediately and for a moment, she considers the fact that she may have to choose between the two. She does not want to give up either woman she loves.

It takes her a little longer to realise that Josephine probably thinks she has already chosen Andraste and being a Divine. Chosen that over her. Cassandra is in love with Josephine, a very real, very loving person she does not want to give up. Not so soon after finally getting her. Not at all.

Nor can she give up her faith.

She groans.

"Are you unwell Cassandra?"

Adaar's hand comes down on her shoulder and squeezes a little harder than necessary. Hard enough to jolt the Seeker from her reverie though.

"I am fine Inquisitor."

"You know, you'll have a lot of power, more than me perhaps."

Cassandra looks at him then, and at Leliana who is smiling now, that sly smile she has when she knows something that Cassandra doesn't. It takes all the power she does have not to demand Leliana tell her the secret.

Josephine is not in her office because she is upset but she's not hard to find. Cassandra knows her well, knows she'll have sequestered herself in her chambers until she is truly able to face the world, face Cassandra, with a straight face.

The Seeker comes looking for her, finds her because it's not hard and Cassandra knows Josephine. Their relationship may have been on hold for a few months but not their friendship.

They have always been friends. Always will be now, Josephine supposes and she can't even manage a smile for the woman she loved.

Loves.

"I know this changes things," Cassandra starts. She doesn't reach out or even come close. She just stands by the door and speaks. "We had plans."

Plans made in the middle of the night when they couldn't sleep but couldn't really be together. Plans made before Cassandra stole away back to her bedroom above the smithy and Josephine fell to sleep alone in her bed but happy all the same.

"We shall have to live in Orlais, rather than Antiva," Cassandra continues. "At least at first. But the Apolistic Palace is more than fitting for someone as beautiful as yourself. And there is more than enough room for -"

She doesn't get to finish her sentence, Josephine doesn't let her. She is on her feet and kissing her before she can do so. She's crying too, she can feel the tears on her face and when Cassandra pulls away she's frowning.

"Josephine?"

The ambassador cannot speak for a moment.

"What is it, my love?"

"I had thought-" but the damn breaks and she's sobbing. Cassandra wraps her arms around her and holds her until she's calm again, only speaking when Josephine has at least stopped crying to very hard.

"You had thought this would mean the end of us," the Seeker says. "For a moment, I had too," she confesses and Josephine can't help the bubble of her hurt that crops up, or the hiccup. "But that will not be the case. I assure you."

She's so certain of, her voice unwavering and Josephine wants to believe her but she's scared, so scared.

"Cassandra," she starts but she can't decide what she's going to say. The Seeker kisses her instead, soft and sweet and Josephine melts into it.

"I love you, Josephine," she whispers, and then, squeals when Cassandra sweeps her into her arms.

"What are you doing?" Josephine says.

"I am unsure," Cassandra admits.

Xx

To see Cassandra crowned as Divine is a surreal experience for Josephine. They had talked over much of their future together, but to see it...Josephine doesn't feel as confident as she did a few months ago. A few minutes ago even.

As they have come closer and closer to the day, Cassandra has been more and more distant and Josephine is starting to wonder how this is actually going to play out in reality. The two of them. The noble businesswoman and the Divine.

To speculate is one thing, to live it is becoming another entirely.

Josephine is lonely in all honesty.

Their plans had been simple enough, even the altered ones. They would marry and live together, have a family. In the Apolistic Palace, there would be room enough for Josephine's family to stay with them, live with them even.

None of this had happened.

They weren't even living together.

That was the worst of it. They had gone from sharing her chambers in Skyhold almost every night to living two almost completely separate lives in a city Josephine used to love but now resents. She's not grieving just yet, she's simply numb as Cassandra is crowned as Divine Victoria.

She feels very, very small. She's caught up in the throng, the crowd, nothing special, behind the clerics and sisters. She's not even sure they would've let her in the cathedral if she weren't Cassandra's...what? Friend, lover, what. She doesn't know any more. Cassandra had been so certain she was going to stabilise the Chantry, bring it back to its roots and so certain that nothing would change between them.

Yet, here they are.

Leliana is somewhere in the cathedral, Cassandra has requested she remain as her Left Hand but Josephine has yet to see her. She could do with her friend's company right now. Cassandra's left hand is Knight-Captain Briony, and the woman isn't standing too far from the dais where Cassandra now sits on the throne. Soon she will speak, a speech of some sort, the chant of light followed by Cassandra's affirmation of her faith, her vows and then.

Then, Josephine thinks she'll throw up.

A hand grips her elbow tightly and she pulls away but Leliana is pulling her through the crowd of clerics and lay sisters, out to the vestibule where even more people gather and further. Out into the streets, more crowds and bright sunshine for one long moment until it's dark and quiet again.

"Sit down Josie," Leliana says gently, speaking finally. She fetches some water and a cloth. She has Josephine drink some, before wetting the cloth and placing it on her forehead.

"Leliana."

"Shush a moment my friend," the spy says, "a moment longer."

Josephine does as she's told, lets the cold cloth soothe her as Leliana settles onto the chair next to her. After a minute Josephine pulls the cloth from her eyes and looks around. They're in a small room but she doesn't know where. They're not far from the cathedral though.

"Lay sister quarters," Leliana explains, "there are a few unoccupied."

"Why did you bring me here?" she asks.

"I wanted you out of there, away from that, away from Cassandra."

She hears it then, the anger, sees it deep in Leliana's eyes even in the dark of the room. The other woman is seething, ice and fury and Josephine knows someone should be very scared right now.

Josephine is a little scared right now.

"She will take her vows," Josephine says. "She will not change a thing. Not for me at least."

Leliana shakes her head, too angry now even to comfort her and Josephine is okay with that. She doesn't want comforting, not while she's still trying to get her head around it all.

"She will not marry you, _Josie_ ," the spy says softly. "I'm, I'm...sorry."

Josephine nods, expecting the tears to come. Or hysteria. But there is nothing. Perhaps she has known all this time.

"How long can I stay here?" she asks instead.

"I'll take you home."

Josephine thinks of the little house she is renting on the edge of the city by the water and can't stand the idea. She shakes her head but Leliana reaches out then, takes her hands, gentle this time and smiling.

"No, I'll take you _home_."

Josephine manages a smile at the idea and nods.

"Thank you."

Cassandra has gained so much.

As she takes her vows she feels like she's lost much more.

She wants to return the chantry back to its traditions. The Order of the Seekers too. She wants to make the entire religion stable again, bring back the faithful lost. She wants to be Divine.

Divines do not, and have not, had husbands, or wives, or lovers.

Divines have never had families.

But then, Cassandra has never had a family either. Not for many years.

Right up until the coronation she was sure she was not going to take her vows. She was sure she was going to stand up and tell the chantry, the world, she would not be taking vows.

She recites them without hesitation but not without regret.

She has not seen Josephine's face in the crowd but she has seen Leliana's. Just briefly on the balcony. She had assumed that when she resigned as her Left Hand that she would not come to the coronation, but then she has not seen her since, and the anger on her face was clear to everyone.

She regrets that. She has lost a friend today, as well as the woman she loves.

As they step away from her, leave her to take the Sunburst throne, Cassandra finds herself realising she would always choose her faith over Josephine. She loves Josephine, will always love Josephine, but her faith is too strong to deny, her calling too loud.

She catches sight of her, beautiful but sad as she is dragged away from the cathedral, away from Cassandra by Leliana.

She had not made the right choice, she thinks.

It is far too late to rectify it.


End file.
